slowly she turned

If you’ve been following me for a while, I guess you’ve noticed that my website has changed. Drastically. I can’t say I’m that happy about it, but I was fiddling around with some different templates, thinking that I was looking at a preview, and instead lost my previous template. It was an older one, for sure, but one that I was used to and had a lot of flexibility for change. Anyway, as with a LOT of things in my life right now, I decided to let it go and embrace it. What else can I do?

The issue behind the change is that I am beginning to apply for scholarships and residencies, so I needed a more professional looking website for my art. This also means that I may go private for some of my more personal blog posts. This has been my journal for over twenty years, even though some of it was lost in a virus-related platform change.

I’ll still blog most of my art retreats and travel experiences, but it’s not the focus of my time right now. I’m in an art flow right now. It won’t always show up here. For example, I spent several days this week picking through my yarn stash for colors for my next tapestry. This, of course, sent me down a rabbit hole. I have SO MUCH YARN.

The main brain sweep I need to write about at the moment is about my mental health. I’ve always been open about my disability here. And it is officially a disability now, I know, because it is on my medical record that it is interfering with my ability to work. I took a short-lived part-time job at UNCG in the Office for Accessibility Resources for students, in which I trained to be an access specialist and I learned so much about the ADA and disability rights. However, I forgot that I am a sponge for anxiety and when I had my second severe anxiety attack at work, I knew that I could not meet with students with anxiety. I was sad to leave because the office staff were wonderful and the money was good, but it was also a relief when I made the decision.

Here’s the good news. I went to my GP and switched medications. After a couple of months on this new med, I feel so much better. It has a side effect that made me quit this same med years ago when I tried it, but I am trying to stick with it this time. I had been off regular anti-anxiety meds for a couple of years and had been on the same anti-depressant for over 15 years! Now it is clear that it was no longer working. Granted, these times are enough to challenge any anti-depressant, but I have found myself feeling some joy, some happiness, some hope. My emotions are coming back. My art muse has returned and I hope they will stay around for a while.

Other than changing meds, my therapist suggested that I plan some trips to work on my agoraphobic tendency. I had already planned to go to Wildacres with Edwina’s fiber group at the end of September. I had canceled my retreat with the Nature Printing Society because I thought I’d be working. So Sandy and I went to Asheville for a weekend and puttered around, including playing in the drum circle on Friday night, which was something we had both wanted to do for quite a while. I went to Wildacres for Edwina’s fiber retreat a few weeks later, and then at the end of October I went back to Little Switzerland, this time for a fiber retreat with a group of new (now) friends, focusing on stitching, at Big Lynn Lodge.

Sometime in there, we participated in the No Kings Rally in downtown Greensboro. There were two in Greensboro, with an estimate of 3000-5000 attending both. I believe it was toward the higher end of that estimate. Cars passing by contributed as well.

I had been fixated on moving to western NC, but I realize that it isn’t going to happen for various reasons. However, I have so many friends who live there now, and it really isn’t such a long drive. I can drive the Blue Ridge Parkway, with its detours and frequent stops and 45 mph speed limit, enjoy the drive, and spend only 3-4 hours on the road. If I’m in a hurry, it takes 2 1/2 hours to get to Little Switzerland. Boone is only a couple of hours away. The Virginia mountains are even closer.

I’ve applied for scholarships to John C. Campbell Folk School again, and a residency at Wildacres. I’m considering applying to Penland, but honestly, even with a scholarship I don’t think that I could afford it. It’s a shame, but I’m starting to accept my financial situation more. I’ve got a more realistic attitude toward my money, and in some ways it is more positive than it was, and in others, I need to remember that we ain’t rich by any stretch of the imagination. The lottery is the only way left to that level!

Now I’m heading to the studio to weave on my weather diary and I’ve begun the next tapestry. I need to pick up the tapestries I finished this summer that I had framed. I’ll be in Preston’s group art show again just before Christmas at the Continental Club. I don’t have any expectations to sell this time. It’s kind of amazing how little I care.

Oh, and I also did this again. Not blonde as intended, but still fun.