slowly she turned

Retirement is so weird. The world is disgustingly surreal. The day is over before I know it. It goes so fast. I was supposed to have so much time on my hands to do ALL THE THINGS.

Much of it is wasted on computer games and scrolling through social media. I do focus on artists, so it’s not all bad. The dopamine addiction is a problem, but I guess it could be worse. At least I’m not drinking much or overeating. My cholesterol is down 100 points since I went on statins and I’ve lost a few pounds.

We went to a rally for the first time since the pandemic. Sandy and I aren’t in the physical shape for marches any more. Next time we need to bring chairs. I had a back spasm and had to sit on the ground. Sitting was harder than getting up! I really need to get a chiropractic adjustment but I keep putting it off. I did get a massage this week, though.

We were considering adopting an older cat as a companion for Pablocito. I think that a lot of his problem is simple boredom. He runs around meowing several times a day. Frida the parakeet also needs a companion since Bernie died, but that is entirely up to Sandy. He plays parakeet videos for her, and sometimes she sings. However, with the chaos going on in our “government,” I’m nervous about taking on the financial responsibility of another cat. Pablocito and Diego cost us over $3000 in vet bills last year.

Sandy is doing better. He is able to lift his feet better and his shoulder aches but he has been painting a lot and he is very enthusiastic about it.

One saving grace has been the Hirsch Wellness Center, which supports cancer patients, carers, and survivors with art and wellness classes. I’ve attended three classes in the past few weeks, two with Sandy. We came home with homemade bars of soap from one, painted in another, and I took a tunnel book class from Mary Beth Boone by myself in another. I was very excited about Mary Beth’s class, not only because I admire her work so much, but because I needed someone to show me step by step how the tunnel book functioned. Now I’ve got it and I see so much potential if I can only motivate myself to do it.

I’ve buried myself in reading and stitching. The tapestry diary is still going, but it takes very little time. I’ve woven a little on the Tucson tapestry. The main thing I want to do is sleep, but second to that, I want to stitch these stitch meditations and slow stitch pieces. This is Liz Kettle’s annual challenge for doing her copyrighted “Stitch Meditations” for 100 days. If it wasn’t copyrighted, I would be glad to teach it, but the basics of it are so simple. See her website here: https://www.textileevolution.com/pages/stitch-meditation. Honestly, it is the best thing I have found to calm my mind. I’ve found that doing it in the evening is best, although sometimes that backfires now that spring has arrived and my allergic headaches flare up at the end of the day. Yesterday I spent the afternoon alone in the studio stitching happily, listening to Hearts of Space in the background. Here’s a slideshow of what I’ve done so far.

Current reading is “Virgil Wander” by Leif Enger. I just finished “Mohawk,” Richard Russo’s first novel. Russo is one of my favorite writers. Before that, I finished “Dawn” by Octavia Butler, which was an extremely bizarre one. I have three books about to drop on Libby, the library app, with one that I’ve had on hold for a long time. Isn’t that the way? I’ll have to put down the physical book and make a choice. It will be nice to read some sci-fi fantasy although I do love character-driven novels and historical fiction. I tried to read the extremely popular follow-up to “Fourth Wing,” which I enjoyed although I found it mildly annoying towards the end, and gave it up early in the second book when I found that I just couldn’t take that immature main character any more.

Still can’t make myself pay attention to video. I dropped “A Paper Year,” Helen Heibert’s online course. It’s not that it wasn’t worth it. After the first month’s lesson, I just was not doing it. I have to save money where I can. The woven paper lantern cover was fun. Then I saw the Collage Makers Summit advertised and it is so tempting, but what happens is I buy these temptations and then can’t bring myself to watch all of them. The number of unfinished online art classes in my computer is crazy.

The depression and fear is very heavy, which is why I have not posted much. It’s been an effort to make myself leave the bedroom. But I do. I have to do it to stave off agoraphobia. I’ve applied for part-time jobs but I wonder if I have the mental health and the physical stamina to work outside the house again. Haven’t heard from my temp remote job – it was this way last year which makes me nervous that they will offer me the same project again, which I hated, or worse, nothing at all. It’s possible with the federal cuts to education.

But I do have good friends, and we are getting together occasionally. Sandy and I go out to eat, much more often than we should, actually. Things are rolling along, so far, so good, as long as I don’t think about the future.